Oh boy

The other man in my life....



Shhhh......



Don't tell Todd... :)

Because I'm a princess....

From the moment Claire opens her eyes in the morning, she has one thing on her mind. Where is my princess dress? Or the Baker dress as she calls it, because in our house 'B' is for Baker not Barbi! She runs to the toy basket pulls it out and it's on over the pj's. Secure the crown in place and quick the mermaid shoes! Which I might add make the LOUDEST noise on the wood floor. It could give anyone a headache. She knows that if she is not careful mom will take the shoes away. She will be running through the house but as soon as she hits that wood floor it's up on tiptoes till she clears it!!! I just have to laugh every time I hear this. Paige is not quite as fanatical as Claire when it comes to the dresses. This only means that sometimes she plays the roll of the King and Kings don't wear dresses silly. I have found that they love these dresses so much that they will do whatever I ask(70.3% of the time) rather than run the risk of losing the dress for the rest of the day. The day I discovered this I felt I had made it to the winners circle. Victory is so sweet! Thank-you Auntie Laura for the best presents 2 three year olds could have asked for and for the power over nap time that a mom never thought she'd have!

By the way that's Claire in the pink glasses, in case you didn't guess it!

Broken Promises

I have never been great at keeping a journal. I take that back in 6th grade I had one that I wrote to my crush and every day it went something like Dear Crush,Today blah blah blah. I am not joking it was the only one I ever finished. He did however become my boyfriend for one week, maybe two. I sure had a big crush on him, but the moment we crossed into the public announcement of 'I like you', I could not be alone with him. I was great in a group, but he'd say hey come walk with me and I was like no thanx!! Anyway I guess he was looking for more.



I have had many other journals that I started, and I would be great for the first week and then the entries would begin to grow further and further apart. When I had my first child I took out the beautiful leather bound journal given to us as an engagement gift and began to write a journal dedicated to her. Here I would record all the memories and special moments we had together, one page is all that I wrote!! I took that same journal with us to Belize so I could record our adventure. Nothing! You get my point I am sure.



Anyway, When we returned to the U.S. this summer I went through sort of a rough spot in my faith. I know what you must be thinking. Coming home from a mission experience weak in faith?? How does that happen... Well sort of like this.



I was so excited to go out and serve God, and to be the best Christian that I could be. I wanted to be different than I was before and to do all the "right" things. I wanted to live the faith that I felt, and to teach my children to do the same. Leaving this country and culture seemed the best way. God led us in every decision that we made and I still believe that He took us to Belize. However, what I didn't realize is that God's way of doing things is often different than what we think He will do. Basically I went to Belize feeling like a "good" Christian. I came home feeling like a hypocrite. I wanted to love being there, to be selfless, and to be happy in all situations. Then when things with the property fell through and we came home early I came home feeling like a failure. I didn't know how to face anyone. I felt that I had an image to deliver, and I sure did my best to try and deliver it. I kept praying for God to be real to me, because somewhere along my walk in faith I hadn't realized that I was walking alone. I had come to this point and didn't even know my Jesus. I felt depressed and just wanted to go somewhere where people didn't know me.



One day my husband took me up in the hills near our house and I shared all this with him. I told him I wasn't sure if I even wanted to keep going to church anymore. My husband encouraged me to look back on my spiritual life and figure out what was I doing when I was closest to God. I thought for a while and soon realized that it was when I was keeping a prayer journal. I would read in my bible and then write about the verses I read and pray through them and sing. In those times I felt as if Jesus was right next to me. I could envision leaning my head on His shoulder and knew He was right there. But like all times in the past the entries got fewer and then stopped. Well that evening my husband took me to the store and I got a new notebook and some gel pens. I was set, ready to start again.



Whew, ready here we go, the point of this post at last! I began that journal beginning of September. Here we are nearing the end of October and my entries are getting further apart. As I was writing yesterday I felt I needed to share my entry so here it is...

October 20, 2008

My biggest lapse yet. I've slowed down in my morning devotionals too. However I had a realization one morning this past week. It was a morning when I slept in promising God, "don't worry I'll still make time for you today" Well here it was mid-morning and I was busy with a mountain of laundry, thinking ahead to the dishes in the sink that were waiting for me, when I realized that I was going bad on my end of the deal again! I checked on the twins who were dressed in yes you guessed it their pink cheer outfits and nicely playing Barbi's, and Aaron was sleeping. I went into my room and closed the door and knelt by my bed. Lately before I pray I find have to "get in the zone" before I begin, otherwise I will quickly ramble off one of my eloquent well rehearsed prayers that seem to never get past the ceiling. For me "getting in the zone" is slowing down, not rushing, envisioning myself coming into God's throne room. To remind myself that I have the privilege of being in front of the God who made me, who commanded this world into existence and who knows my thoughts before they escape my lips. This helps me to be real with God. Anyway, I sat there by my bed and tried to explain to God why I didn't show up and why I was going to do better and then it hit me. I am not going to do better, and more often then keep my promises with Him I will break them. Not because I want to, but because I am so deeply flawed. Tears began falling down my face and I began to feel so ashamed. I cried to God "why do you even bother with me?" A very clear thought or should I say song, came into my head . God told me to sing it. I did.

"who am I that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt, who am I that the bright and morning star would choose to light the way for my ever wandering heart."

The song goes on and in the chorus it says

"but you told me who I am, I am yours"

Then God whispered "I choose you"

I was humbled in that moment and there was nothing to do but weep. Weep in the realization that there is nothing that I can ever do that will be enough for my God, and to cry for the man who hung on the cross for me and my sin, knowing that I would never be good enough. I have never felt such love than I did in that moment, and I don't even recall being that aware of what God did for me so very long ago. For all of us Thank-you Lord for speaking to me in that way. And you know what else? Even though I will never measure up I will continue to try. I will try because I have never been loved so deeply, and so unconditionally that I can't help but love back and try to do my best.

So there you have it. I hope that there is at least one person who reads this and feels the love of a God who is waiting to pour out his blessing on you. Be blessed.

Home Sweet Home!

Ah yes, there she is in all her 1,000 sq ft of glory! This is what we have come to call home. We are happy here, loving the quite street we live on, the nice neighbors, the spacious yard, and the quick walk into downtown. Here are a few more shots of our place...

The driveway, exciting I know!

Here is the back yard

and beyond this fence we call it our "back 40" We hope to put in a large garden in this spring.

The girls LOVE being outside, and I love them being outside! They each have a tire swing compliments of Grandma Pat! (thank-you) They love the trampoline! And they love, love, love picking all the pretty yellow dandelions for me!

Here is my cute little kitchen. Notice the state of the art dishwasher....

What's that you don't see it, let me zoom in for you... There she is!

I am finding that I spend a good part of my day here and will never take for granted that beautiful machine called the dishwasher again!

Thankfully, we do have a washer and a dryer, but from time to time when it's warm it's nice to get outside and hang some laundry!

So this is home for us! Come visit sometime.

Play Date

We dropped in on some long-time friends of ours tonight. The Shaltry's. Huda and I were pregnant together this last time around. She was due mid March and I was due just 3 short weeks after her. She went early, I went late and our little ones ended up 5 weeks apart. We have gotten together only a hand full of times since the birth of our little ones, but really need to do it more. Here is a photo of our two little ones (if you can call mine little). Naema is so cute, she has this high pitch, and I mean high, squeal. She was so taken with Aaron and would just squeal, and smile, and grab at him. Here are a few more shots of them playing...

SO precious, it was great. Naema is going to be a tough one you can tell. No one will pull a fast one on her. She made sure Aaron knew his place....

And once again Aaron knew what to do.

To blog or not to blog

That is the question, and being that I am writing a post, I gather you know my answer. I have gone back and forth on whether or not to continue a blog since our return to the U.S. Not that I don't want to it's just that I don't really have the time. I still don't have the time it's just that such great things happen as a mom of 4, and I've got to write them down somewhere. Why not share them here with you?

So today I captured a moment with my 4 beautiful children. Aaron was sitting on the floor playing and Paige found his brush and came over to him and was so sweetly brushing his hair and talking with him. I quickly grabbed the camera and tried to hide in order to get a candid shot.

I got one good shot and then she saw me... Something happens to my girls once they are aware that the camera is on them...

Not only did Paige see me but Olivia did too, not being one to miss out on a picture she quickly joined in...

Then Claire saw me...

Poor Aaron you could almost here the music "Beauty School Drop Out" playing while my girls primed and trimmed on him!!!

So this will probably be the life of a lone little boy who will grow up surrounded by 3 big sisters who are very much "girly girls". I am sure you can tell just how girly they are sporting their pink Barbi cheer dresses and crown. Yes, they wear them EVERY day! Please don't feel bad for Aaron though he knows how to stick up for himself...